Most people (like my ex-roommate) lie to make themselves seem considerably more cool/impressive/alluring than they really are. But while it's pointless to lie because eventually the people you lie to will learn how much you genuinely suck (like my ex-roommate), it's even more pointless to tell a lie that makes you less cool/impressive/appealing than you actually are. This is exactly the social faux-paus I committed the other night, and ever since the lie left my lips I've been trying to figure out what compelled me to tell it.
I was at a club with my friends and so it goes that aging hipster after aging hipster bought us drinks. I guess during some time of this I got pretty drunk, because when this one man started talking to me I found myself failing to grasp control over what came out of my mouth.
"So, where are you from?" I just love men who ooze creativity and innovation in their lines.
"I'm originally from here in New York City, but I live in L.A. now so I'm here visiting some friends." This is an example of a good lie, as it was semi-plausible. The next lie I'd tell would not contain these elements of credibility.
"Awesome, I love L.A. Sometimes I think of leaving the city to move there."
"Really? Sometimes I think of going the other way around," this wasn't a lie, but rather aggrandizing my character the way any good actress/liar does, "but I never could. My whole life is there now." Wow, how overly dramatic (like my ex-roommate).
"What do you do there? Are you a model?" There it was, the highest conversational honor one can receive in New York. The question girls have the goal of achieving as they primp themselves to go out.
"No," the words just plopped out of my mouth as I defecated all over the conversation, "I'm in grad school studying to be a teacher."
"Are you a model?"
"No, I'm in grad school studying to be a teacher."
"Are you a model?"
"No, I'm in grad school studying to be a teacher."
"Are you a model?"
"No, I'm in grad school studying to be a teacher."
Was I an idiot? When someone asks you if you're a model, you always say "yes." It's like the cardinal rule of clubbing.
"Wow, that's really cool," this guy was a moron, "I can tell you're going to make a really great teacher."
Yes, this revealing dress I'm wearing really says I care about the education of America's future generations. And to make his lie even more bogus, I wouldn't make a great teacher because I hate children in mass quantities.
As full of shit as this guy was with his unqualified compliments, I was worse. I was a girl who'd dedicated two hours of primping in attempt to get into the club looking like a model and not an underage student, only to lie in conversation and pretend I was a teacher. I had basically eliminated myself.
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