9.14.2011

Writer's Cockblock

I have recently experienced what I can honestly declare to be the worst writer's block known to my existence. For the past month and a half I've been rendered speechless, even compositionally handicapped, as I haven't been able to form so much as a string of sentences describing the current events of my personal life. This experience that I've taken to calling my 'writer's cockblock' stems from the fact that I haven't been cockblocked at all. In fact, I've recently been getting action on a more regular and functional basis than ever before in my nineteen years of living, and I think the functionality of it all is what's causing my writer's cockblock. I feared I'd lost my voice, my sense of who I am, when morning after morning I'd wake up fresh from a hookup the night before only to find I couldn't write anything about it.
Ever since I was a junior in high school, the entire base of my writing has been kiss-and-tell-all essay after kiss-and-tell-all essay about every single guy I hooked up with, what it was like, and my vividly uncensored thoughts of how I felt about them. But that habit came to an abrupt halt when I started hooking up with one of my guy friends this summer. We hooked up more regularly than I had with the guys I went to college with, so therefore I had more experiences to write upon, but for some reason I couldn't do it! Before I knew it, a month had passed without my writing a single fucking thing! Unable to write new material, I could only read through my archives of old essays from every drunken weekend of the past 3 years.
"You haven't updated your blog recently," my friend noted one day while we were watching TV.
"Yeah, I know, its just weird writing about what's been going on recently. For some reason I have like, nothing to say. Well, not like I have nothing to say, I just can't seem to say anything."
"Huh, why do you think that is?" She muted the Laguna Beach rerun.
"Ugh, I don't know! Like, remember the other night when all us girls were hanging out and you asked me how things had been going with him and I couldn't really give an answer and got weirdly quiet? That's like, bizarre of me, I normally word vomit my guy stories."
"Yeah, I mean, you do normally love talking about that kind of stuff, but maybe you feel weird now because you actually like this guy."
"No, no, that can't be it, I've liked guys before that I've written abo-" She had a point. In that moment I realized that I had never actually liked any of the guys I'd written about. Sure, I'd had crushes on them and had been obsessed with a couple, but that was just because they had the whole 'attractive asshole' thing going for them. Looking through my archives, I'd realized that on some level I'd hated every guy I'd hooked up with in college.  It became apparent in retrospect that I'd kept them around because I'd enjoyed hooking up with them on a shallow level, but on a human and even friend level I couldn't fucking stand them. And that was the complete opposite of what had happened with my guy friend. I had absolutely no ill feelings towards him and liked him as a person, so therefore I had nothing mean to say. And so goes the saying, "if you have nothing mean to say, don't say anything at all."

4 comments:

  1. You liiiiike him you liiiike him.
    LOL.

    I wondered where you'd disappeared to.
    I'm the same though - fellas that mean nothing I tell anyone everything. But if I like them it's different...and a bit special, and then it becomes private.
    Glad your happy though, but please don't turn this into one of them soppy "boyfriend" blogs :)Hahaha

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  2. The same thing happens to me...constantly. Well, with the exception that my writers block...is sans cock. It's during my cockless writer's block that I often turn on the t.v., read the news or pay the kids that huff gas down the street for an idea. That's usually a last resort as almost always, their idea is, "Go fuck yourself". I walk away both hurt...and dejected. Alas, the ideas do turn up eventually, like the "other" sock. The one that's constantly lost. You know. So, perhaps it's time to open your blog up to your world views or pop culture defamation. You're hilarious. I'm sure whatever you come up with will be very chuckle worthy. Oh, by the way, I came across this blog while searching for funny blogs. Which, yours, very much is. Here's mine...Elton Says Things...

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  3. Your blogs are rad :) make mine look like poop! I like your blogs though, can relate to some of it :)

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